TMNT’s Darkest Storyline Just Got Shelved and I’m Gonna Go Cry in a Sewer About It

Well, this sucks shell. In case you missed it, Paramount quietly put a giant turtle-shaped lid on what might have been the coolest TMNT project in decades: a live action adaptation of The Last Ronin. Yes, that Last Ronin - the brutal, heartbreaking, post-apocalyptic TMNT story where only one turtle survives and takes on the weapons of his fallen brothers. A black mask, all four weapons, vengeance, grief, mystery. It's the most metal thing the franchise has ever produced. And now… it's been scrapped so the turtles can be even more kid friendly.

According to new reporting, Paramount wants to double down on family friendly TMNT, which means the R-rated, high stakes, emotionally devastating Ronin movie is being put in a drawer labeled "maybe someday, probably not soon, stop asking." The studio is instead moving forward with a lighthearted live action reboot from Sonic the Hedgehog producer Neal H. Moritz.

The Ronin movie wasn't just an idea. It had former WB chief Walter Hamada behind it, a script in the works by Tyler Burton Smith, and Nobody director Ilya Naishuller circling it. It could have been the closest we'd ever get to TMNT by way of Logan. But nope. Back to pizza jokes and skateboard energy.

Look, I love the kid friendly versions of the turtles. They're classics. But TMNT also started out gritty, violent, and weird as hell. There's room for both. Let the babies have their mutant mayhem. Let the adults have their existential ninja tragedy. Why not both? Why must everything be sanitized until it squeaks?

On the bright side, Paramount says The Last Ronin isn't dead forever, just… cryogenically frozen. So maybe one day we'll get to see which turtle wears the black mask on the big screen. Until then: cowabummer.